It has been almost a full moon cycle since I posted last. That’s what parenthood, specifically, motherhood, more specifically, single motherhood does to me.
But I don’t lose heart. I keep going, keep pushing. When my little sun drifts off to sleep, I step outside and look up at the moon and I reminded of all that I am and all that I am not.
I am the moon. When I am full, I shine and serve without expectation. Day by day, I give my light, my attention where it is needed. And then I retreat. In the darkness, I reflect, I restore myself, and I heal.
My past is on the other side of the earth tonight. Today, he began a new life for himself away from me and our sun as always. Though I should be used to it by now, I sometimes still find myself exhaling deeply, not realizing I have been holding my breath waiting for him to show up.
I have a new future in my life. Though he is inconsistent at times, I find myself wanting him around more each day. I cannot discern if it is loneliness or love that leaves me lingering on his every word. Time will tell.
Life has an order. Light, then darkness, then light. Growth, stagnation, withering at times. Then more growth. Time will tell.
Under the sun, over the moon 