A pisces, water. A leo, fire. My relationship with my sun’s father was one of heat, smoke, and ash. It is known that water is capable of putting out a fire. It is known that fire is capable of reducing water to air. This power struggle defined our time together.
I have been known to lose myself in a person’s potential. I take one look and see all the possibilities. The happy future we could share. The small things, intimate conversations over morning coffee, watching you interact with children. The big things, vacations, holidays, celebrations spent reflecting on the time we have shared. I take one look and I see memories to be made. And by placing my heart in the future, I miss every sign telling me that future is not coming.
Lies, fights, neglect, guilt, apologies. I had never seen such a small flame grow into a raging fire so quickly. I watched it unfold in front of me, I walked through the heat, and then left the doused flames behind me because I knew what we could have. I walked through it each time, but you never burned me; water doesn’t burn. It evaporates until there is nothing left.
I lost myself in him, the visions I had of him as a father, a partner, us as a family, raising the shining little sun we had brought into this world together. The day came that I had to walk through him the same way I walked through everything trying to make it work and leave him behind me. He became my past.
The raging ocean of a person I had been before him was gone, replaced with a wandering vapor seeking a safe place to let myself fall, grow, and, one day, roar again.
Under the sun, over the moon 